Do you ever sit and wonder what it is you are meant to do in this world. Like really sit and think about it, why are you here? The odds of you being here are 1 in 102,685,000— yes, that’s a 10 followed by 2,685,000 zeroes! It makes me think why was I was chosen to be put here, was I to become president some day (to soon to find out), was I meant to be the next Steve Jobs (don’t know enough about computers), or was it just to be a simple person (I really don’t think its that). I guess I will never really know unit it happens to me.
Every person in this world has there strengths and struggles, I think of them like super powers and your enemy. One day your out there killing it at your job and the next second something happens and its like getting punched in the face and getting knocked on your ass. Your sitting there and letting one of your struggles get the best of you. For me this happens a lot, I let my struggles get to me, whether its my extreme over thinking or my (what I call) all bark and no bite. I say I’m going to do something like working out or starting a new meal plan, but never do it. I’m starting this blog to really talk about my self and also talk with successful people around my community and hopefully outside it, to get a better understanding of how they overcome there struggles or if they still deal with them on a daily.
Lets start with my struggles.
ALL BARK NO BITE
I am a person who wants to do a lot, I want to be physically fit. I want to eat better, I want to wake up at 4:30am to get my day started, but for some reason I just don’t do any of it. I am fully capable of doing all of that but I don’t. I dont think its because I’m lazy, I think its because I lack a motivation or I’m scared what others think.
TO WORRIED ABOUT OTHERS
I have always been worried about what others think of me. Its like for some reason I think everyone is judging me, when we all know that nobody cares about what you do or how you live your life. I know that I really don’t care about others and how they live so why would they worry about me. For some reason I still care what they think, like they are going to determine how my life is going to be in the next few years.
CONSTANTLY OVERTHINKING THINGS
Since I was 14 maybe 15 I have struggled with this about every day. Of course when I was younger I never knew how to handle it, so it lead to severe anxiety problem (more on that later). You may think well everyone does that and that where I say well probably not like that. Like the other day I thought I was getting fired because no one was talking to me at work… well I can say I was not fired. When I was younger I thought any time my mom was not answering her phone, I thought she was dead and same with my dad.
HARD TO REMEMBER THINGS
For the longest time I have always been bad at this, I can never remember anything. Well you probably think well why don’t you writing things down if you forget a lot, and well my answer to that is I forget or I really just don’t care. Now if you take a look at any of my notes from high school, they where from classes I liked. This is just a simple fix but for me its really not, I have always been this way and its so hard to change something that small.
ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION
I really hate talking about this because what I have is not this new age anxiety and depression, not this I’m entitled shit. I have had this since I was 14 years old, and only really a small number of people know that I have it. I can honestly say that I’m doing about 1 Million times better because I have learned ways to suppress and anxiety attacks that second I feel them coming on. Know I do get them from time to time maybe once every two years or so, and its usually because of something that I’ve been holding down deep down for some time and it just finally needs to be let out. I don’t talk about it not because I’m scared of it but because I feel a person that is going through or has been through what I have been through is not looking for attention. I never will and never would look for attention because of my things.
Its currently 6 am and I have been writing since 5 am. I’m drinking my coffee from a solo cup and listening to music from my phone. I’ve learned a lot since moving out at 19. You learn that a lot of stuff in this world really doesn’t matter, ie. why I’m drinking my coffee out of a solo cup. I have become a person who only buys one type of shirt (black hanes t-shirt) and only one type of pants (Swiss pant from walmart). I have found that from working a job that pays really well but you absolutely hate, money really is anything unless you are happy. I’m at a new job that I like better than the last one and I guess I’m still really not happy.
I was never a really goal oriented person growing up but as of recently I have needed something to reach for, or I wont do anything.
#1. Everything that I have listed up above needs to change. If I want to make my end goal I’m not going to be able to do it if I let those things hold me down.
#2. October 1st, 2019. I have given myself that date to turn things around and start a new business and live a happier life.
#3. Become what I want to be not what others want me to be.
In conclusion, I’m writing this blog to better myself as a person because I feel that if I write things down I will be more apt to do them. I will be back next monday with an update on how I’m doing with stuff and where I’m at in the process to starting my business. I know this is all over the place but I’m also hope that this will help with my writing and story telling.
Thanks for reading!!!